Building a healthy relationship can be a challenge when one partner is anxiously attached and the other is avoidantly attached, but with understanding and effort, it’s possible to create a stronger bond.
Understanding Attachment Styles
It can first be helpful to understand the core facets of each attachment style. Anxious attachment is marked by an intense fear of abandonment and a persistent need for reassurance. Individuals with this attachment style frequently worry about their partner’s feelings and commitment to them and the relationship. In contrast, avoidant attachment is characterized by a fear of intimacy and a tendency to withdraw when emotions become too intense or closeness feels overwhelming. Those with avoidant attachment highly value independence and can find it difficult to express their emotions.
Communicate Openly and Honestly
The key to navigating these differences is open and honest communication. The anxiously attached partner can work to express their needs in a way that does not overwhelm their avoidant partner. This means being clear about what they need for reassurance and avoiding things like demands or accusations. The avoidantly attached partner on the other hand can focus on finding ways to communicate their boundaries gently and explain when they need space, so it’s not perceived as rejection.
Practice Patience and Understanding
In this dynamic, it is the responsibility of both partners to practice patience and understanding. This can also mean avoiding jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. The anxiously attached partner has to find ways to honor their avoidant partner’s need for space and work to understand that needing space isn’t the same as disinterest, but rather a part of how they cope with emotional intensity. Conversely, the avoidantly attached partner can work on their understanding of their partner’s need for closeness and that it comes from a place of care and is not meant an attempt to control or smother them.
Work on Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is crucial in managing these attachment styles. The anxiously attached partner can work to increase their use of self-soothing techniques to manage their fears and anxieties, while the avoidantly attached partner can practice gradually opening up and being more vulnerable with their partner. It is important for both partners to understand their triggers and how their behavior impacts the relationship.
If these dynamics become too challenging to navigate on your own, seeking help from a therapist can be beneficial. Therapy can provide both partners with the tools they need to understand each other better and develop healthier relationship patterns. Creating a better relationship requires effort, understanding, and a willingness to grow together. By focusing on communication, self-awareness, and crating balance within the relationship, couples can bridge the gap between their different attachment styles and build a more secure and fulfilling relationship. If you’d like to get started on this journey rach out to the BTRC today!