To Trust or Not to Trust?
Have you ever had a moment in your therapy session where you are connecting so well with your therapist, they are actively engaged in your story, you feel as though you can confide in them, and then all of a sudden you have the urge to share incredibly vulnerable information with them? You know, the kind of information you have been sitting on for quite some time, wondering if there would ever be a situation in which you’d need to share that with them when all of a sudden it just slips out? This share may have even caught you by surprise and has the potential to be followed up with a statement such as, “I’ve never said that to anyone before” or “I can’t believe I just said that out loud”.
Those types of shares can happen so quickly in a session that oftentimes it can lead to feeling several different emotions all at once. Worry, shame, guilt, grief, embarrassment, joy, relief, thankfulness, validation, or a newfound trust in others. These moments can turn us upside down, throw us for a loop, and then propel us right outside of our comfort zone.
So what does it mean when we step into new territory with our therapist and begin to embark on a new chapter of the therapeutic journey together? Depending on how you feel about your disclosure to their therapist, the chapter may be titled, “Life Outside My Comfort Zone”, “Can I Rewind Time and Take That Back?”, or maybe even, “The Moment I Realized My Feelings Were Not Too Much”. The title of that chapter is ultimately decided by you, and, with a little help from your therapist, may even be an opportunity to reclaim your right to your vulnerability in supportive spaces.
A Story Of Vulnerability
For those of us who have had moments of vulnerability weaponized, criticized, or even belittled, becoming vulnerable in a relational dynamic, including your therapeutic sessions, can not only elicit large emotions but can also set off cautionary alarms within your brain and body. These alarms can sound off several times for several different reasons. Some alarms may sound to protect, some may sound to prevent harm, and some may even sound to notate discomfort (and if discomfort has historically equated to pain, the body and brain most definitely don’t want that so, let the bells ring).
Vulnerability in a relationship, especially post a traumatic experience, is not only nuanced but it is also laced with so many legitimate questions and concerns. Exploring the limitations of or the expansiveness of your vulnerability is incredibly normal and warranted, especially in a therapeutic space. When the alarm bells ring, it offers the opportunity to lean into the process and ask, “What is my body and my brain trying to inform me of right now?” If you’re unsure, don’t know, or don’t feel connected to your body/brain in those moments, let’s explore ways to not only feel more connected but also foundationally informed about what you’d like to do next.
Steps For Exploration
Let’s start with some steps to help get your brain and body connected in the moments that feel as though you’d like to become vulnerable or are questioning if you should be. These 3 steps are meant to encourage the process of exploration of your vulnerability and hopefully befriend leaning into areas that have the potential to feel overwhelming.
Step 1: Get Curious
Ask questions. Gather information. Take the time that you need to explore what vulnerability feels like for you, how you would define it, what your alarm bells mean, when they go off, and how you would like to be received when expressing vulnerability to others. Let this be a time to explore without limits. This gets to be an opportunity to truly dive into what it feels like in your brain and body to explore to edges of your vulnerability.
Step 2: Start Small
Allow yourself to expand your vulnerability with a trusted person. It may be a small share but the small shares allow for others to meet you where you are while you are still testing to waters. Leaning into discomfort while maintaining safety. As you learn more and more about yourself and the other, you may find yourself with time exploring more vulnerable pieces of yourself that you did not expect to share.
Step 3: Reflect
What about the experience did you enjoy? What about the experience did you dislike? Did expressing yourself to another bring you to the edge of your comfort zone? Did you enjoy that exploration? Let this be a time when you can take a moment to be with yourself and discover what getting curious and starting small felt like.
Reflection
Whether you go into another session surprised by your engagement with your therapist or you go into a conversation with a family member or friend knowing the edges of your comfort zone, finding security and safety in relationships with your vulnerability has the potential to impact the way you move forward in engagement. Take the time you need to explore and go at the pace that resonates with you. Reach out to us here at the BTRC to connect with a therapist when you are ready.